A Fairy Tale from Oklahoma

Hello everyone, I am the “fatOlady” this is my code name and I come from the great state of Oklahoma. When working under cover I can look just like anyones “fat”, “old”, “grandma”. In my real life, I am a grandmother of 9 young’uns. One of my grandkids is autistic and he lives with me full time. However, just cause I come from the American Heartland, don’t let that fool ya, I can be a pretty plain spoken old gal.

I ride a Harley….with a side car (grandkids got to have somewhere to ride). When I ride my bike, I can usually be seen in my bright purple leather jacket and red beret. Do ya got a picture in your head yet of what I look like? Yes, I am one of those….a militant RED HAT LADY!

I'm a former CIA agent….had to leave when I got so fat, CIA kind of frowns on that. It's bad for the agency’s image. Like most government agencies the CIA is more worried about looking good than how good a job you do. I'll let you in on an insider secret, most of the beautiful people in Hollywood are CIA, it’s all about looks in government.

Anyway, once a secret agent, always a secret agent and when things get out of whack and stop making sense my CIA training and years of experience kicks in......and well, I have to investigate. That's how I got hooked up with theHouseDetectives.   

I began to notice early in the 7th season of my favorite TV show that things just weren’t adding up. The TV show I am referring to is HOUSE MD. I started lurking in the shadows of some of the fan sites to see if I could get a handle on some inside information that would clear up the mistery. During my sleuthing around, I hooked up with some other “sleuthly” types and we decided to track the deepening pile of (horse manure) umm, I mean “clues” to see if we could unravel the diabolical plan beginning to unfold before our very eyes. As it eventually became apparent the disconnect was coming from an evil skulk of wizards known as the Vulpes Vulpeswho transformed the Good Fairy Godfather of House into the man who is now known as the Evil Godfather of House. The group we formed to combat this evil has now come to be known as the WORLD famous HouseDetectives.

The HouseDetectives has one simple motto: To boldly go where no House fan has gone before. As luck would have it, the HouseDetectives were not able to stop the Vulpes Vulpes and the Evil Godfather of HOUSE before considerable damage was done to the canon of the story and season 7 was left with a huge hole in it. Maintaining control of the Evil Godfather of House is the sole purpose of the Vulpes Vulpes, even if that means they must force him to wreak havoc and create mayhem for the hero of our story (who happens to be a sad pathetic character to begin with).

Even when he was good (to the fans of HOUSE), the Evil Godfather has tormented our hero for 7 years by repeatedly casting a spell on him which forbids him to change as a person, to grow as a human being, or to mature. Our Hero is not allowed to love or be loved. He must remain cynical, miserable, and live with both mental and physical torment. Sadly, I must tell you a 52 year old child is not an attractive thing. Imagine a four year old in a grown up man suit and you have a pretty good picture. Instead of Tonka trucks he plays with Monster trucks, instead of jumping off the bed pretending to be Superman he jumps off of 8th story balconies.

Our Hero has lived with pain for so long he became afraid of it, so the Evil Godfather gave him a magic pill called Vicodin (the Evil Godfather told our hero it was his candy). The Evil Godfather told our Hero the “candy” would make the pain go away for a short time. Once he discovered it our Hero was so desperate to make the pain go away that he munched on Vicodin all day, as a child would on candy.

This season there was a beautiful princess who came to free our hero from the clutches of the Evil Godfather. She kissed our hero and he fell under her spell. He was released from the mental pain....and a great deal of the physical pain. He was happy, our Hero found his own kind of peace. Our Hero put away the Vicodin, the hookers, the toys. And for a while most of the HOUSE fandom rejoiced, there was laughter, and clarity, and calm. For a time our Hero was loved and he was allowed to love others.... However, the beautiful princess angered the Vulpes Vulpes greatly with her arrogence by taking a stand on a cause she believed in but put her outside the control of the Vulpes Vulpes. It was determined by the Vulpes Vulpes that she would be banished from the land of HOUSE forever.

The Evil Godfather was given much stronger magic by the Vulpes Vulpes and instructed to distroy the love between the princess and our Hero FOREVER. The Evil Godfather visited the beautiful princess and struck her with an illness that caused our hero to once again be afraid of pain. The pain our Hero became so afraid of was the pain of loosing the love and joy he so recently found with the beautiful princess. He knew if he could not save her, he would be lost forever again in his misery. He ate just one piece of candy to make him strong and it broke the spell of the princess and so the princess (although she was healed) walked away in defeat.

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